A Course in Miracles

Lesson 19 – Summary

Denise L. Graves

Choice

I was called to preach at a very early age.  I did not think women would be accepted as a preacher so I found other ways more acceptable to serve.  I taught school, Sunday school, bible classes, community classes and focus groups.  However, the nudge has always put me in positions to prayer and deliver faith based talks and lessons publicly.  I agree with the following statement in Lesson 19: Jesus says we have no choice in the matter of listening to God, for God is Truth cannot be denied.  We can choose to put off listening to Truth but ultimately we must all accept it.  Free will is not about if, it’s about when.

My faith journey has led me to the conclusion that my hesitation had to do with the historical Image of God presented to me.  Because in this image, I believed I would never measure up.  The God presented to me was racist, oppressive, sexist and fearful to the point of executing vengeful wrath upon those who do not comply.  However, in all my efforts, I never felt enough.  Every sin seemed to be a neon light over my head that flashed guilty.  I felt that the scrutiny of my humanity was more than I could bear or my family could stand.  So I stood and served in the shadows hoping God would see my piety and selfless service and lift me up to places of acceptability, value and honor.

The Course in Miracles and this course on Prayer have shaken my foundation.  It has challenged my beliefs about Gods’ choice of me, Gods’ love for me and my love for myself.  It has ushered me to a place of reconciliation with the truth of God I knew from the beginning, my beliefs now and presented new thoughts and behaviors that bring me closer to my call to serve.  Happily, I exercise free will to choose to counsel, teach and preach, pray for and with others, perform wedding ceremonies, teach others to heal and more. 

Moreover, I realized that my not choosing to follow the will of God in the past had to do with my perception of my worth and the lack of love for myself and others.  When every picture I see on billboards, television, movies and other media forms to not look like me, I have questioned my acceptability to a perfect all knowing God.  Without the faulty foundation agrees that forgiveness frees and heals, however, I have struggled with “is what I am forgiving the right or root thing to forgive.”  I do it because what have known has not produced the most optimum outcomes.  I can accept each outcome as a manifestation of the loving plan God has for me.

Projection

“Thought can be invested in fear or love.”   I agree with this.  As a young person, I learned to focus on the negative outcome rather than the positive outcome.  The reason given was that if I expect less then I would not be disappointed when the outcome is less than expected.  So I grew up wanting more and the best but not believing it would occur for me.  I believed it for others.  I hoped for me but did not act as if I knew my good were possible in matters of intimate relationships and acquiring economic wealth.  I projected fear.  The problem with this projection was that it escalated and before I knew it any unexplained absence of someone I loved, was due to tragedy and death.  Any test I took in school, though I studied hard, seemed not render the best score and if it did, I thought it was an error, everyone did bad (bell curve) or someone provided a deceitful favor.  I wanted love to win, It just seemed to take too long for it to manifest in an appreciable way.  I have been challenged to repeat mantras affirming my loving expected outcomes in the face of great hurdles. Those hurdles were typically associated with corrupt outside influences.  I needed someone or something to blame. My perception of powerlessness and the lack of great value were associated with obtaining my greatest good.  I thought that what I wanted was not what God wanted.  And often I felt God did not know my good or want it.  I also felt than my sins prevented me from receiving my good, consequently, I was unable to live up to the holy life standards required by God.  Boy, that was “some” madness!

I have been challenged to anticipate optimum intimate relationships and economic wealth.  It is a work in progress.  This lesson states that “In this world the power surge caused by the collective projection of unconscious fear causes incalculable devastation and destruction.  War, murder, rape, disease, accidents, hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes etc are all the work of projected fear.  So when, I ran into the back of a pickup truck significantly damaging the front end of my car, I wondered what I was thinking about.  Did I project fear unknowingly, was my behavior prior to the moment of impact fearful or was this the result of earlier thoughts?  I might add that I got out of the car grateful that none were seriously hurt.  I apologized to the driver and proceeded to handle the business of reconciling the exchange.  I want to accept ownership of my thoughts in that situation; however it does not come easily.  I am grateful for the presence of God and sustaining our lives and limbs.  I surrender my guilt of that moment and pray for my continual healing from projecting fear to projecting love and every situation.

How to perform Miracles

Jesus says we are all miracle workers.  I agree. However, I think many people live in such a sleepy, wounded and sick state that they do not know they are miracle workers.  As a faith based community organizer, I hear the prevailing thought about miracles is that they are far and few in between and that they are only recognized when the miracle is seemingly abrupt, against all odds and witnessed by certain valued religious voices.

The three step process of (1) accepting my healing, requires recognition that my mind changes when I say yes that I am healed in the presence of the health ailments and diseases.  Accepting my forgiveness means knowing I am guilty of nothing, now.  Step one is an ongoing process that needs the Holy Spirit to act with knowing, mercy and grace.  As I write this essay I wonder have I accepted my healing and forgiven in the last few moments to be in position for do step two- give away healing and the forgiveness I have received.  Again my foundation is re-shifting.  The very idea that I am like my elder brother Jesus, is able to do the seemingly impossible is mixed  with lifelong questions asked of me  “who does she think she is to call forth healing and I risk the possibility that the on lookers and I do not know what healing looks like in a particular circumstances.  I think we don’t do step two because the possibility of healing is incredible, seems risky and somewhat pompous.

With the entire above, step three makes sense to the teacher in me.  I feel confident about teaching the mechanics of teaching healing, forgiveness and miracle performance.  Perhaps, right now this is so because I doubt my own power and the knighting / anointing of my life to be extraordinary.  Foundation shift – who am I to play small and immature?

The opportunity to give up milk for food as a sign of maturity is about choosing God over the world.  I know longer choose to be sick and not know or accept the Truth.  Performing miracles allows me to face the guilt that has held me hostage.  With this recognition, I realize that I am not guilty.  My new challenge and opportunity is to learn to live without guilt.  What will I think, talk or act on.  Where will I work, what will I do now and who do I do my new life with?  The truth will change a person to replicate performance of miracles constantly.  It seems that performing miracles brings me closer to the crossover from time to eternity.  And my thoughts about shifting my energy manifestation in this world now to a different form in this world or another holds me captive, has my attention and yet encourages me to walk toward world transformation one thought and act at a time.

The merciful gracious act of Jesus’ undoing the side effects of guilt is appreciated and accepted yet not quite understood.  I look forward to deeper prayer practices that equip me to consistently choose the truth, project love and perform miracles.

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